My daughter Jessica is such an airhead… I was outside of Publix for like fifteen freakin’ minutes honking the horn in my new PT Cruiser. She gets in and said she had been looking around the whole time for my old car! God! Anyway, I can’t be too mad. She knows the attorney Jeffrey Rice because he gets his prescriptions filled in her pharmacy. He’s an NFL ref, so he hooked us up with free Bucs tickets for tonight. Too bad they suck.

Well, I got to go pick up my new company car today. Nabisco decided to stop offering Ford vehicles, so I couldn’t get another Taurus. It was a decent car, though. We got to choose between Chryslers this year, so I went with the PT Cruiser. Yeah, I know. PT Loser. My nephew rubbed it all in my face. Yeah, it’s a cheap car, but you know what? It’s neat looking. Thing looks neat. Most importantly I pay for absolutely no gas or maintenance, so keep crying about the prices going up!

I hate this crappy apartment. Someone broke in and took all my DVD’s. I went down to the pawn shop, and there they all were, but the cops couldn’t do anything about it. Of course they left Jeremy’s crap, those drug movies like Friday and Half Baked. Yippie. They even got into my freezer and made a frickin’ Hot Pocket. Personally, I think it was the landlord’s nephew. That little weirdo is always coming around here, all itchy and looking for Jeremy. They probably got dope with the cash.

My son Jeremy came home last night smelling so bad, I told him he had to take a shower or he was out of here. I can’t describe what he smelled like, it was smokey and rancid. I think a combination of his acidic sweat and Newport smoke could be the culprit.

The kid does nothing but disappoint me, he works all the time yet he can’t pay back the $500 I lent him. Probably spent it on whacky tobaccy or some other thing, God knows what… I love my kids…